Searching for Something More
by queeenb
Summary: Somewhere along the lines, my life has totally disappeared. I have nothing now. The one boy I have ever loved, gone. Charlie, gone. Renee, gone. Life as I know it, gone. All-Human. E/B.
1. Take Me Away

**A/N: This is a fanfiction I had long ago and scrapped, but now I'm posting it again. I hope you enjoy! Read and review pleeease!**

_Take me away to January_

_I'm done with this year_

_I'm tired of everyone here_

_I just need some time alone_

_Before I'm ready to come back home_

_There's gotta be something else out there for me_

_-Chase Coy, Take Me Away. _

Bella POV

I don't even know where to start.

I don't even know how my life got up to this point, actually.

Well, here it goes:

My name is Bella Swan. I am seventeen years old. And I have no one.

You see, my life started going downhill in middle school.

I had a best friend. Whom I loved very much. I even had a bit of a crush on him. And a huge emotional attachment.

His name was Edward Cullen. We met in fourth grade when I moved here from Phoenix, where me and my parents, Charlie and Renee, lived. Charlie came here to be closer to all of his high school friend, Harry Clearwater. Everything had been going great. Our neighbors were the Cullens, and that's how I met Edward. He and his brother Emmett had been very nice to me, and I became close with the both of them. But Emmett was a year older, so me and Edward were prone to get along better, especially with being in the same class. I was also very close to Carlisle and Esme Cullen. It was almost amazing how much they became immediate family to me, along with Charlie and Renee being pretty close to them too.

Then, Edward and I had gone through some pretty messed up stuff. But that only made us closer…for a minute.

When we were in sixth grade, Esme Cullen died. It was devastating. She was a second mother to me. Actually, Renee has always been more of the best friend mother type, and Esme was more nurturing. Edward and I would always sneak into each others room. There was a tree between our windows and usually he would climb up it. I'd never really snuck to his room, it was mostly just him in mine, due to how clueless Charlie and Renee were.

The night that Esme died I had just gotten out of the shower and made my way into my room. I had no idea that she'd gotten into a car accident or anything, because it had just happened an hour prior. And the news hadn't even gotten to the rest of the Cullen's until a half an hour after the accident.

I walked into my room, and there was my best friend, Edward Cullen. He never looked sad when in my room. He usually brought a bunch of candy and had it spread across my bed before I entered. He knew exactly when I took a shower, and liked to sneak in before I got out, because he liked to look the surprised look on my face at the monument of candy he'd set up on my bed. But our relationship was never intimate or anything, we just needed each other to fall asleep. And it was always pleasant; sometimes we'd just eat candy all night while talking and laughing, or sometimes we'd play video games. One night, in the summer before going into sixth grade, we'd decided to experiment by having our first kiss together. It was harmless enough, and we were still in the awkward "Girls/boys-go-to-Jupiter-to-get-more-stupider" mode. I'd always found that statement funny, because while trying to sound smart, and the other is stupid, we end up saying something stupid, clearly not proving the point, by saying bad grammar such as "more stupider". Ugh. Anyways…

I walked into my room and there was a miserable, horrible looking 12-year-old Edward. It broke my heart to see him so…wretched and broken. I didn't even ask what was wrong, I just held him in my frail arms, when I heard him mutter an "Esme", I just knew. I knew she was gone. And so I cried along with Edward, feeling every ounce of pain that he had.

That's when I realized that I was in love with him, as much as an 11-year-old girl could be. I never wanted Edward Cullen out of my life. He was the purpose to my existence. We would be best friends forever, and someday, I would marry him. That's just the way things are, and the way things would be.

But I was wrong.

In eighth grade, he made friends with the great "Jasper Hale" and "Tyler Crowley". They were the most popular guys in the school, and I absolutely despised them. And Edward knew that. That's what angered me the most.

Most days he would ditch me for them, and it made me feel like total crap. He'd found something better. I mean, why couldn't he have his "guy friends" but still have me? And Tyler Crowley was the worst possible person he could be friends with, ever.

You see, in seventh grade, despite my being in love with Edward, I had developed a terrible crush on Tyler. It actually made me stop constantly thinking of Edward all of the time. I actually saw that Edward was jealous of Tyler, which I enjoyed. I knew that it wasn't because he wanted me to have a crush on him, to his knowledge I did not although I really did. It was because he felt that he was the only guy for me. Besides Emmett, I never became close with any member of the opposite sex except Edward. And Emmett hardly counted, because our relationship was effortless. We didn't have to constantly talk to stay close. Not that I minded that Edward and I constantly talked. It was just something we needed to function.

That's why I don't understand what happened. There was never a day that you could separate me and Edward. But then like that, he just disappeared out of my life, as if those last 4 years didn't happen. Now if that's not a blow to a girl's self esteem then I don't know what is.

I really had no other friends. I occasionally would talk to Angela Weber here and there, but after Edward cut off all ties with me I distanced myself from everyone. Mostly because I didn't want to get close to anyone else. Not if I would get hurt again like that again. So, I alienated myself. I'd barely had any human contact ever since.

Oh, and in seventh grade…yeah, that was definitely a turning point in my life. During the summer of my seventh grade year, a man named Phil Dwyer came to town. He seemed like a nice enough, pretty handsome too. He was big for the town of Forks, because he was a ball player. But not very well known. Well, yeah, I thought he was nice…until he completely ripped my mother away from me and Charlie.

Yep, she left us. In the middle of the night, just packed her stuff and left. I was devastated, but no one was as Charlie. He couldn't understand what went wrong. Poor man. Even I could tell how unhappy Renee was. It was just that Charlie, being the police chief, and spending every free minute fishing with Harry Clearwater, really never paid much attention to her. And Renee has always been one to require a lot of attention.

That still gives her no right for what she did. Especially because she left me, her own child, mind you only still 11 years old. It broke my heart, and I had Edward there to assure me that no one in their right mind would ever leave me. I was perfect. And I had absolutely no fucking reason to doubt myself.

Yeah, words straight outta his mouth. We see how long that lasted.

Charlie had Harry to help him pick up the pieces. It was pretty hard on Charlie, but Harry helped him in a big way, just like Edward did me.

Eighth fucking grade Edward left me just like Renee did, without a care. I felt like I didn't matter. I'd cried myself to sleep a lot, and Charlie would come in and hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. I knew he was hurting just as much, but no, not as much as me, because two people didn't leave him in the matter of four months.

Well, was I wrong. He would soon understand. Well, technically, Harry didn't leave him with a choice. He'd died of a heart attack my sophomore year. Charlie lost all sanity. He'd become so depressed, he wouldn't even speak to anyone. It truly broke my heart. And he gave in. He gave in to alcoholism. And hasn't stop drinking ever since.

I even remember the first time Charlie hit me. He's not really violent with me often, only every once in a while when he's had too much to drink. I didn't hold it against him, because I know that this was his way of dealing with his grief, just like crying was when Edward stopped being my friend. And Charlie was there for me then, not judging, not prying, just simply being there, and making sure I was okay.

So, you can see my situation. I just wish Charlie would get better. There's really nothing I can do besides put up with it and be there. I loved him so much. Not so much who he is now, who he used to be. But never, no matter how much he drank, or how much he hit me, or refused to speak to anyone, would despise him. Never as much as Renee. I would and could never forgive her for doing this to us. It was all her fault. And trust me, I'm never one to put the blame on anyone, and I don't even blame Edward for my misery. I blame two people: Renee and myself.

But this brings me to now. Junior year, first day back at this hellhole called a school. Its pouring down rain and I am crying hysterically in my car. I arrived early. I usually did this. Because I had to escape from home. Constant reminders of who I used to be, pictures of me and old Renee, old Edward and old Charlie. All kinds of pictures. Even pictures of Esme.

It was all gone. Everything I'd ever cared about. And I hated my life. I didn't care about anything.

So I am crying in my old beat up truck. I had this feeling in my stomach. Something was telling me that soon, all this would get better. And I figured it would be the fact that I'd be graduating in the matter of just two more years. It's really not much compared to eight years here. Not when you know things can change so quickly.

I don't know how long he was there, but he was. Edward. He was standing in front of my truck frozen. He could tell I was crying and I could tell that he didn't really know what to do. Years ago, he would have demanded I open the door and take me into his arms until the sobbing ended. But now, he was changed. I don't even know why he was here. And it was kind of hard to see him well. The rain was streaming everywhere against the window, so nothing could really be positive. But judging by the look on his face, he knew what I was doing, he knew I'd been crying. Then, in a swift pat on the back, Jasper took him away from me, once again. Edward started reluctantly walking away, turning back, giving miserable glances in my direction. But nothing to make him come see if I was okay, or anything. I wasn't that important. Before I could even see anymore, I shoved the keys into the ignition and drove away. I drove and drove. I don't even care where I ended up at the moment. Hopefully it was better than the constant miserable fucking reminder of my old life and what has now become of it.

**xoxo, B.**


	2. Never Forget

_Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never...never forget it._

_-Curtis Judalet _

Edward POV

I don't know how things got so fucked up.

I don't even want to think about it. Because it hurts too goddamn much.

I thought nothing hurt more, but when I found myself in front of Bella's truck, seeing her cry her sad little brown eyes out I just wanted to fucking die. It killed me that she felt that way. There really wasn't anything I could do, as much as I wanted to. She clearly wants nothing to do with me.

All because I started hanging out with Jasper Hale and Tyler Crowley. I didn't really mean to become friends with Tyler, as much as I knew she hated him. It was totally fucking wrong for him to lead her on purposely and try some shady shit like he did with Bella. But I was fucking stupid then. I mean, I didn't know she'd totally shut me out of her life just because I'd made some friends. Tyler Crowley had just kind of been there. It was really all just Jasper I'd become close to. He was a really cool guy, and there's a lot more to him than what people think. But Jasper and Tyler are kind of a package deal, I mean I didn't want to hold any grudges against Tyler. I should have though. Because he hurt the one fucking girl I'd ever loved. The most important woman in my life next to Esme. Bella was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Somehow we both managed to fuck that up.

I wonder if she even knows how much it hurts me to see her that way. I wonder if she knows that she's all I think about. That I find myself desperately pining to climb that tree up to her room and lay with her. To just take her in my arms again and talk to her all night. Tell her how much she means to me and I never want to lose her again.

But as long as I'd be friends with Jasper Hale, she'd want nothing to do with me. And yeah, you better believe that fucking hurt. That she'd be willing to throw away our friendship because she'd judged the fucking guy.

I mean, I used to too. But in mid-October, eighth grade year, I'd somehow found myself at this high school party with mostly seniors. This punk named James started shit for no damn reason at all, and he took me out to the back and beat my ass. I mean, I was a fucking 13 year old, I can't believe what a loser that guy was to pick on someone my size like that. Well anyways, Jasper was at that party, of course, because he was always invited to high school parties, being the popular guy he was. James had been on some strong shit, and alcohol and what not, so he wasn't in his right mind. He pulled a knife out on me. Luckily, Jasper heard my pleading for him not to do anything. He'd gotten some seniors out there and punched James square in the face and then rushed to my rescue to help clean me up. Ever since, we'd been friends. He hasn't been anything but a pretty fucking awesome friend to me. And I know that I slightly pushed Bella away, and she was just as good of a friend as Jasper was. Oftentimes, Jasper would try to approach Bella and be friendly with her. More for my sake, but Jasper was just a good guy all around. Bella never gave him the chance. She just pushed him away, along with me.

But I also have myself to blame. I shouldn't have let go of her so easily. I should have fought against it; I shouldn't have ever given up. In all honesty, I never thought it would get this bad. I figured she'd be angry with me for a couple of weeks and then she'd come insisting she'd look past who my other friends were. But she didn't. And that completely fucking broke my heart. It was like she didn't care. I thought we had more than just some friendship just to pass the time by before something better come along. She obviously didn't want me in her life.

As for Tyler, he's alright. I mean, he's grown on me. I don't trust him, and trust me I let him have it every time he brought up Bella. No one talks about my fucking girl like that even if she doesn't want anything to do with me. She will always mean the world to me. And he fucking pushes my buttons sometimes. I lose my cool. He says how fuckable Bella is. I hate it. All that she's been through, I mean, I can't even really look at her that way. She is much much more than anything any of these assholes see her as. And I remember that she actually used to have the biggest crush on Tyler. I almost lost it when she told me who her crush was. I was kind of hoping it was me, because ever since our kiss together I've looked at her differently. She was a woman to me. Always has been since that summer evening after the sixth grade.

Now, she is just so broken, and I do want to fix it, but I've given up. I keep telling myself to just look forward, and to leave the past behind me. She is just a part of my past now.

A past I know that I'll never forget.


	3. Save Him

_Deep at night I'm awakened from my dreams_

_Next door yelling, cries; "Mercy!"_

_She's beggin please, begging please, begging please_

_"Get up, Get up!"_

_He brings her to her feet and smacks her down till she falls to the ground_

_Oh and over and over again_

_He brings her to her feet till she can no longer stand_

_Oh and still the beating never ends_

_On and on and on it goes_

_-Justin Nozuka, Save Him_

Bella POV

I came home to find Charlie drunk again. I just laid in my bed, and started crying again. I don't know why the hell I cry so much.

I think it's cause for about the last year I haven't cried. Not once. I've been motionless, dead, heartless. But now, I am awake. I don't know what did it, but I just snapped out of my brain dead trance and willed myself to get it together.

I looked out of the window, and saw through the trees Edward's window. Rain was trickling down the glass, and I found myself desperate to be on the other side. Not that I'd find myself happy around Edward. It hurts to even look at him. To see him smile across the cafeteria with his friends when I am all alone in the corner by myself, picking at my food. I've become invisible to everyone. Well, except for Mike Newton. He's always been one of the biggest losers. No one really associated with him. He'd been really sweet to me though. I mean, he is a pretty nice guy. I just never thought that he'd be the only one that I'd spoken any words to…besides Charlie.

Well anyways, Edward's room was empty. Obviously, I mean, he was at school. I came home before it even started because I couldn't even face him. How pathetic. But how I enjoyed being able to look out the window without having to accidentally see him, or him seeing me, or me seeing something I most definitely did not want to see.

I remember one time, I think mid freshman year, I'd decided to get the courage to actually look out my window again. Because I always loved to do that, regardless of Edward or not. It was just calming what with the rain on the roof and everything. So, as I did this, I was able to look for about a fraction of a second, because I'd saw something I most definitely did not want to see. Edward and Jessica Skankly making out in his room. He looked like he was enjoying it enough, but then he'd caught me catching him in that act. And I immediately looked away, tears flooding my eyes. Not only did he probably think I was creepy as hell, he most likely seen the effect him being with another girl has on me. One thing I have never liked is someone seeing how much they hurt me, or the effects they have on me. If they were going to hurt me that's one thing, but for them to actually know the extent of my pain…unbearable.

I remember back when me and Edward were inseparable we'd sometimes just sit at our windows looking at each other, occasionally laughing, or making funny faces, until we'd fall asleep, right there at our windows. Well we did that a lot more before we just started sneaking into each others rooms to share a bed. But sometimes, when we were afraid of getting caught, that's what we did. It became such routine for us to be together, I just cannot believe it disappeared, and really, just like that.

I fell asleep right there at the window like I used to do when Edward was by his, mirroring my actions. Then I awoke to Charlie, drunkenly barging into my room.

"Isabella, wanna explain why the schoooool called?" he angrily slurred.

My eyes were very afraid, because his looked like they did when he would hit me. "Uh—I…thought you seen me come home.."

"Bullshit, Bella! What the fuck are you doing skipping schooool!"

"D-dad," I cried, burying my head into my hands.

I felt him snatch my wrist up. "Look at me Isabella," he slurred with venom.

He kept squeezing my wrist, harder and harder. I kept crying. He obviously didn't like that, because his squeezing became harder. My blood was not circulating.

"Pl-please. You're hurting me," I sobbed.

He blinked blankly. "I don't care."

And then he left my room.

I wanted to cry so badly.

Of course he didn't care. No one did.

**xoxo, B.**


	4. Misery

_Misery is almost always the result of thinking._

_-Joseph Joubert, French Essayist and moralist (1754-1824)_

Bella POV

Charlie left after that. I don't know where the hell he went, I mean, he did this often.

I sat on the porch. I didn't like crying in public, but it was raining. No one could tell. I mean, well they could…but I didn't care. The rain is one thing that calms me down all the while depressing me even more. But at least I'm not the only one miserable. At least the sky is too, right?

"Bella? Is that you?" I heard a sweet, manly voice say.

I looked up. It was Carlisle Cullen, taking the trash out.

He rushed over to me. "How have you been? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You don't look—"

"Thanks, but I am."

He assuringly patted my shoulder. "We've missed you being around. All three of us. You know, now there's really no woman in our house to keep things in order."

Yeah, I'm sure everyone misses me. Edward the most, right? Ha. I almost laughed at the sound.

"Well, Bella. I'll see you around?"

I sighed. "I gotta go."

Then, I went in the house. I felt bad for treating Carlisle that way, especially since he had done nothing wrong. I haven't really shown my face but every time he does see me he is nothing but friendly and caring. I just can't let anyone in. I can't help it. He can thank Renee and Edward for that one.

I pulled up into the parking lot. Today was technically the second day of school, so I'd thankfully missed the whole "Oh my gosh I've totally missed you but I never associate with you anyways and probably never will, at least not this year and even though I fail to talk to you or call you…" and it goes on.

I hid my face almost the whole day. I also had to wear a long sleeve shirt even though it wasn't that cold out. I had a bruise on my wrist where Charlie had furiously squeezed.

I passed all of the snickers from Lauren Mallory and her posse. I passed all the stares. I passed everyone. I passed Emmett. He looked so concerned. He always tried to wave to me. That's what he did just then too. He gave me an awkward, pitying "why-don't-you-talk-to-me-anymore" smile and wave.

I just walked right past him, ignoring it, only giving a fraction of a smile. And I imagine it didn't really look much like a sincere smile. I was trying way too hard to let just that millimeter excuse of a smile out.

Most of the school day went by in a haze. I was in no way prepared to have Edward in my biology class. To my luck—and much to my dismay also—I was assigned to the table right next to him. He looked slightly uncomfortable, as I imagine I did too.

He tapped his pencil against the desk, and that annoyed me. I glared at him through my hoodie and hair, and eyelashes. He caught my annoyed expression, even though I didn't mean for him to see it, really, and he abruptly stopped.

For a little while, Mr. Banner talked. But then he said he had nothing really left to the class syllabus and to just "chill" hence to his attempting to be "hip". He said he'd start the lesson tomorrow. There wasn't really anyone in our class. Just a bunch of geeks. And Mike Newton. I just shifted in my seat uncomfortably. Edward cleared his throat.

"Hi, Bella," his velvet voice said quietly, and sweetly.

Oh, how I missed that voice.

I just put my head down and acted like he wasn't there. He didn't deserve my attention. He didn't deserve to hear my voice after all of these years. I have nothing to say to him, anyway.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up slightly, clearly warning whoever it was to go away. It was Mike Newton. Go figure.

"Sup, Bella?"

"Hey," I mumbled, starting to put my head down.

"You look like you didn't get much sleep."

"Is it that obvious?" I scowled.

Mike looked oblivious to my misery. He was always so oblivious. "Well, get some sleep, Bellaaa." He always did that, dragging out the "a". I hated it.

Edward was silent in his seat. I wanted to knock both him and Mike upside the head with a frying pan. I just wanted them both to go away. I wanted to be alone. I mean, I am invisible any other time. Why not now?

I got up from my seat and walked out of the room, bumping my shoulder angrily into Mike's on the way.

I started to walk out the hallway when I heard someone else come out of the classroom. I swear to fucking God Mike never gives up.

"Bella," I heard Edward say sadly.

I didn't even look back. I just kept walking until I reached the parking lot and into my truck. I made sure to lock the doors just in case Edward found it right in his idiotic brain to come after me. I fought my hardest to hold back a cry and drove away, leaving the school that I hated. Fuck. I didn't even make it past fifth hour. I had two more freaking hours. Charlie's going to kill me. I wish he would. I wish he would just put me out of my misery already.

**xoxo, B.**


	5. A Whole New Person

_People change, but memories never fade away._

_-Anonymous_

Edward POV

The whole night I couldn't stop thinking of Bella. To see her so hurt made me wanted so badly just to rid all of my current negative feelings towards her and take her into my arms. But she is impossible. Because she won't talk to anyone, and I know that.

I constantly see the hurt look on Emmett's face when she just passes him without even acknowledging him when he waves to her. I get pretty pissed when she does that. Leave Emmett out of our problems, its not fair to him. He didn't do anything but she continues to push him out of her life just like she has done with everyone else that cares about her.

I made a mental to go see Charlie sometime when she wasn't home. I don't see him very often. I know that a year or so ago that his friend Harry Clearwater died and that Bella's relationship with him had faltered greatly. I often seen him storm out of the house angrily. He's probably mad that Bella won't speak to him either. They probably argue all the time, I'd imagine. It would be pretty damn hard living with someone that's always on autopilot.

That is what I seen him doing the day that I saw Bella crying in her truck. I felt bad for Charlie, as once again, he climbed into his police vehicle and drove away. I'd thought about going over to see Bella and make sure she was okay, but things were so fucked up that nothing ever was that simple. I wished it was, though. As mad as I am at her, I still care about her so much.

I stared out my window looking at her dark room. I wish that I could see her. I wish we could go back to laying by our windows just staring at each other. I used to love that. I loved staring at her, even before I hit puberty, and before we shared that simple, chaste first kiss. I always thought she was just so nice to look at. Before I even realized that I wanted her to be my first girlfriend.

I'd never had a girlfriend before, even know. I've always kind of been waiting for her. I know, its pathetic and its stupid. There is no girl that I want to get serious with. I just fool around all of the time. I can get away with that shit; I'm not going to lie, I know girls find me very attractive.

That reminded me of freshman year when I had been feeling up Jessica Stanley in my room. I was so fucking gone and horny at the moment that I didn't even realize that my blinds were up and that Bella could possibly see me. Not that she really would even hang around her window anymore. But with my fucking bad luck she would choose that day of all days to stare at the window. She couldn't have done that all of those times that I'd waited around my window hoping maybe she would decide to come to her window. I know she hadn't been staring at me particularly. I didn't find it creepy or anything. Because it was Bella, and I know that she was just innocently looking out her window. I knew how much she liked to do that. But the look in her eyes said it all. For once in the whole time I'd known her, I thought that she could possibly like me in a romantic way. I always thought that my feelings for her were one-sided. But I immediately pushed those thoughts to the back of my head because I knew it was just her looking so hurt that I'd let another girl in my room. She was used to being the only one allowed in there. I didn't really like any other girl enough to bring them up there. That is, before I started fucking them senseless in my bed. Anyways, her look was one that I'd seen before, like the first time she'd seen me being friendly with Tyler Crowley. So I knew that it was just her being surprise. I'd pushed Jessica off of me and told her that I wasn't in the mood, because I fucking wasn't after seeing Bella like that. Jessica insisted that I was lying, because I two seconds prior I'd been telling her how much I wanted to be inside of her. Yeah well, Jessica, when you see the girl you've always been in love with see you touching a skank like you, it tends to be buzz kill.

I stopped waiting at my window for nothing like an idiot and made my way into bed. I buried my head into my pillow. Why do I let this girl get to me?

Bella's in my biology class. Even fucking worse, Mr. Douchebag Banner sat her next to me.

She didn't even associate my presence. Well, until I started tapping my pencil against my desk in boredom. I barely could make out her cold glaring, but I did. I stopped at once, trying not to cause her to hate me even more.

She just looked so miserable. I tried to ease the tension and said hi like an idiot. And what did she do? Put her head down. Of fucking course.

Then, as if things couldn't get any fucking worse, Newton came over. I fucking hate that guy. He's such a scumbag. Ever since me and Bella stopped being friends, he'd took the opportunity to hit on Bella. I hoped she was smart enough to realize he just wanted one thing. Especially from the way he looked at her; I hated it.

Well, she was clearly annoyed with Mike, and he made a douchebaggery attempt to point out how "tired" Bella looked. I knew what he was thinking: what the fuck is up with those bags? You don't look so bangable as you usually do.

Probably how I'd be if I didn't know Bella so well. If I didn't care about her so much. He treats her like I treat all of the other girls that aren't Bella: like an object just waiting to be fucked.

Somehow it ended up with her storming out of the classroom. I smirked when she purposely bumped Newton on the way.

"Leave Bella alone," I demanded.

"Fuck off, Cullen. Just because you don't have her anymore doesn't mean I can't."

I wanted to bash his head in right there but I really wanted to make sure that Bella was okay.

I went out in the hallway and called after her. Of course, she didn't look back. Not surprising at all. I wondered at that moment if she even knew that I existed anymore. It was like she didn't even remember me, remember all that we'd been through.

It was like she'd become a whole new person. And I didn't like that new person. It wasn't the Bella I knew, the Bella I loved.

**xoxo, B.**


	6. Show Your Scars

_Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh._

_-Leonard Cohen, Canadian folk Singer, Song Writer, Poet and Novelist._

Bella POV

I need to stop this.

I need to stop running away.

Fuck.

After that day, I went home and Charlie was in a chipper mood. He had a lot of work that day so he didn't drink like he normally did. But in no way was he the old Charlie. He just wasn't violent. He still slurred his words a little, but he noticed that I was crying.

"I'll kick that Cullen boyyys assss if you liiike."

His exact words.

Well, at least he was more understanding when the school called. He said to not let it happen again. But it was not one bit violent.

Here and there a little bit of old Charlie will show, but for the most part, old Charlie was long gone.

I'd gotten through my classes that day. Except for today at lunch I'd noticed Edward staring at me. He looked so sad and regretful, like he really did regret everything.

It would usually hurt me to see Edward this way, but I felt nothing.

Biology came. The class that I fret going to all day.

Edward was unusually silent, I mean for the great "Edward Cullen" to be silent is an achievement. I suppose its because he didn't know anyone. And he pretended that he didn't know me.

We had to work together to look at onion root cells through a microscope and tell was phase it was.

This meant that I would somehow have to find it in me to talk to Edward. And possibly without sounding vile.

"Prophase," I mumbled.

He looked through it and nodded in agreement.

That was our last slide. We'd both finished before everyone. I suppose its because we both had been paying extra attention to Mr. Banner.

Edward was scribbling on his paper in what I thought was boredom, but it turns out that it was out of nervousness.

He cleared his throat. "Bella, I really would like to talk to you sometime."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The nerve on him. I looked him straight in the eye. I didn't really know what to say. I mean there was so much to say, but such a simple question like that…it was as if he was acting like I was some new girl that he wanted to get to know. He already knew me. But he threw that away, because knowing me obviously showed no significance to him.

I reached for the last slide, choosing to ignore him. But my traitorous sleeve slid down a bit, revealing my bruises for Edward to see. I snatched my hand down, but he saw it. I know he did. Because he sat there with his eyes widened.

"Where'd you get that?" He choked out.

"I don't have to explain anything to you," I said, tears welling up in my eyes, looking away.

"Bella, what happened?" he demanded.

I picked up my books and left the room.

He followed me. Of course he did. This was juice that he could sell to all of his friends for some popularity points.

"Bella, please. Tell me. I need to know." I heard him behind me. I tried my hardest to fight the tears, but they streamed down my face.

I turned around. "Why? Its not like you care about me anymore."

That's all I said. That's the most I've said in a while…to anyone. I ran away before he could reply. I didn't need this. He had no right to question anything in my life. Because he was out of it now.

**xoxo, B.**


	7. Helpless But Not Hopeless

_To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing._

_-Anonymous_

Edward POV

"Dude, are you okay?" Jasper asked me at lunch. I tore my eyes from Bella reluctantly and looked at him.

"Yeah. I'm fine," I mumbled.

He patted my back. "We'll talk later," he said only loud enough for me to hear. Tyler eyed us both suspiciously, feeling out of the loop. I can give a shit less how he feels.

I looked back at Bella again. She was picking at her food, and I'd only seen her take two very small bites. She looked like she was fighting back tears. But she always looked that way.

All too soon, she caught my staring and looked at me. Her brown eyes that I have always admired pooled with depths of sadness. I didn't tear my eyes from her—I couldn't. It was she that broke away from the staring match we were having. Then, the bell rang. Biology was my next class.

We had to look at onions or whatever; regardless I could give a shit less.

"Prophase," she mumbled. It felt so good to hear her voice yet it hurt so much to hear how sad it was.

I tried not to stare at her so the only thing I could do was look into the microscope pretending to make sure she was right. I had no idea what prophase exactly looked like but either way I'd agree with her.

After nervously scribbling nothing on paper for some time, I was desperately searching for something to say. All I could think of was something so stupid sounding, but so true.

"Bella, I really would like to talk to you sometime."

She didn't respond. She acted as if I wasn't even there. I wondered if she even heard me. Judging by the frustrated contortion on her face, she heard me loud and clear.

She began to search for the last slide and that's when I saw it. The bruising around her arm was dark. I felt my heart ache at the sight. I didn't want to get in her business, because things were clearly so fucked up between us, and I wouldn't have…if the bruises weren't clearly someone else's doing. Because an injury on Bella is nothing new, being the clumsy girl she is. But I could see that someone had held onto her wrist in a forcing manner. And that hurt my heart like hell. I found myself wanting to know what happened. More than anything, I wanted to bash the fucker's head in who did it. Even though I had no idea who that is. I wanted to take her in my arms afterwards and tell her that I'm never going to leave her. That I would be with her until the day I die. But of course, she wouldn't want to hear that.

The best I could do to help her without her knowing is tell Charlie. He's a cop, he could probably figure out who did it. I wonder if he's already seen them…

"Where'd you get that?" I managed to say.

"I don't have to explain anything to you," she snapped at me. She didn't look scared. Just sad. Unbelieveably sad.

She was right. I'd been absent from her life for 3 years now. I shouldn't expect her to just open up to me right now. Especially about a subject so touchy.

But I couldn't help it. This was all too serious. I'm more than willing to push all of our problems aside to get her help and keep her safe. Hell, as much as I'd hate to, I'd even let us go back to the way we are if it meant that she'd let me make sure she didn't get a bruise like that again.

"Bella, what happened?" I sounded so persistent, and I didn't mean to sound angry or anything. But I had to know. I really wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I didn't.

She walked right out of the room, closing me out just when I thought she might let me in. I followed after her. I don't care if I was annoying her. That wasn't important right now.

"Bella, please. Tell me. I need to know."

She came to a halt and turned around. The tears trailed down her face and my fingers twitched at the urge to wipe them away.

"Why? Its not like you care about me anymore."

With that, she was gone. I'd decided to give it up for the moment. But like hell if I was not going to let this go.

Did she seriously think that I didn't care about her anymore? God, I don't think I've ever cared more for her in my entire life, and that's saying something.

I went back to class and Jasper met me in the parking lot. He gives me a ride almost every day now. Ever since I'd gotten into a minor car accident in tenth grade, my father has grown a little paranoid. And I have too, but not for me, for my Volvo. It was a little damaged, and I did not want to see it damaged again. It cost me seven fucking hundred dollars in repairs. For a fucking minor accident!

"So. Tell me what's got you in the clouds so much."

I inhaled a deep breath of fresh rainy air. "Bella," I mumbled. That's all I had to say. Jasper knew how I felt about her.

"I'm sorry, dude. That's too bad."

"Yeah. Except for now its nothing to do with our friendship. Jasper, she had fucking bruises on her wrist. From someone." I knew how angry I sounded. And I knew that I had to remain composed.

"Shit. Who do you think—"

"I don't know, man…I don't know what to do…"

"You need to keep trying, that's all I can say. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Yeah. Thanks, man. Means a lot."

"No problem. If you want, I can try to talk to her about it…"

"No," I said, my head snapping up. "She even talk to me and when she does its nothing pleasant. She'll go fucking down on your ass, you know that."

"I know. Just making sure that there's really nothing I can do."

"There isn't," I muttered, staring out the window.

"Maybe…"

I waited for Jasper to speak, but he seemed to have changed his mind. "Maybe what?" I desperately asked, hoping for any better ideas than I had right now.

"You could always try her window. Climb the tree. It'll show her you aren't giving up."

My eyes widened. "I-I don't really know about that. I mean, I'll scare the shit out of her. She'll be so pissed at me…I…what if she thinks that I just—man I just don't know…"

"I think it'll work. Not right away or anything. But still, in time."

Jasper was really wise. I just wish Bella could see that.

"Well, here we are. See ya later, man. Call if you need anything," Jasper said, patting my back.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Fuck. What was I going to do?

I can't really tell you how long I sat at her window. But she never came into her room. I began worried. But I didn't have anything to worry about because both Charlie's and Bella's vehicles were here.

I went back to my room and scrawled across a paper. The only thing I could do is write her a note. At least she'd know I still cared without having to freak out at the sight of me in her window. Yeah, that's a good idea. Go slow…

I made my way back to her window, and stuck the envelope that shielded it from the rain between the small crack.

That would have to do for now.

**A/N: So, you like? Let me know.**

**xoxo, B.**


	8. Violence of Frustration

_Frustration is the wet nurse of violence._

_-David Abrahansen _

Bella POV

Yet again, I managed to not get to my other classes. I wonder if the teachers even know that I still attend the school.

Charlie was passed out on the couch all day today. He was out late last night, so I imagined he would be sleeping the rest of the night.

I began to make dinner, in hopes of Charlie waking up. He seemed to have slept all of the alcohol off and I know that food would sober him up even more. I needed these small little old Charlie moments to keep me going.

"Smells good," he muttered.

"Thanks, Dad." I tried to put on a smile. It wasn't working.

"Bad day at school?"

"You can say that."

"Did you make it to your other classes?"

I know he was sober but I still gulped. "Um, no…I didn't…"

I flinched and kept stirring the spaghetti noodles. I didn't turn around.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Tomorrow if any one gives you any shit you come to me at the station instead of home. I'll deal with whoever is making you want to skip class."

He sat at the table and tapped his fingers against the table.

This wasn't particularly old Charlie, but it was good enough. I turned around and he was looking around the room. "Charlie, I just—I think I'll be fine," I said.

My sleeve slid up my shirt a bit. His face became beet red.

"Is that the problem? Is that why you came home? Who the fuck did that? I'll get them expelled—"

"You did," I mumbled.

"Wh-what?" he stammered.

"I…you were just…mad," I said quietly. He froze up and walked over to the fridge and downed some of the whiskey that was in there. I just stood there wanting to beg him not to. He always turned to alcohol for his problems. It drove me crazy.

"Isabella I want you to punch me in the jaw the next time I pull some shit like that." His voice feared me. I figured tonight he'd let loose on me.

The rest of the night seemed to go fairly. Charlie and I just sat by the television quietly. I didn't want to say anything to set him off. So we just watched numerous reruns of the M*A*S*H. That used to be his favorite show back in the day.

I found something I'd never ever expected to see at my window. It was a letter from Edward.

Bella,

I know you hate me. But I need to know that you are okay. This is too much for me to handle. Please.

Edward

I couldn't believe my eyes. This was too much for him to handle. Fucking A. Of course my problems aren't as bad as his innocent little gossiping jock shit.

Fuck.

I needed to fucking get out of this place.

I punched the wall, sending blood down my knuckles. I tried not to, but I screamed in ecstasy.

I clutched the letter in my hand, forgetting that I had it and ran out of the house. I ran right into Charlie.

"Bella where are you going?"

I winced towards my hand and he looked at it in surprise.

"What did you do?" he demanded.

"P-punched th-the wall," I sobbed.

"Fuck!" He walked over to the phone and then it all went black. The scent of my own blood, everything that was going on, I just passed out.

That's all I remember.

**xoxo, B.**


	9. Photographs and Memories

_I keep your picture by my bed for when I'm feeling sad_

_And I don't know why I would be._

_The way your smile looks so real_

_I feel like I could start to understand your grace._

_And I don't understand why you're_

_Not here with me._

_And I don't even wanna know where else you'd be._

_-Jason Reeves, Photographs and Memories_

Edward POV

I couldn't bear to look out the window. So I just sat in my room. I didn't even eat. I didn't really care to at the moment.

I sat at on my bed with an old album sprawled across it.

It was full of pictures of me and Bella.

One was a picture when we were around 10 years old. My parents threw a picnic. It was May. Perfect spring day.

One was of me and Bella on the opposites of a tree. I had a squirt gun in my head and she thought I was looking for her and she was hiding in a good enough spot. Little did she know I was right on the other side of the tree. I remember what happened after the picture was snapped. We both didn't know at the time that someone was taking a picture. Anyways, I snuck up on her and squirted the gun right on her back. I can even still hear her girly squeal in my head. The thought of it made me smile.

That smile quickly turned down a little when I saw the next picture. It was of me and Bella sitting on the picnic bench. Bella had her tongue stuck out of me and I was laughing. Esme was setting the food, looking happy as ever, on the table. If I would have known that Esme would be gone within a year or so after that picture, I would have paid more attention to her, given her more appreciation for all of the things she did. She had her hand on top of mine in a motherly smile, while the other one was setting down the food.

What I would do just to have that simple little gesture now.

The next picture was a really close picture of me and Bella smiling wide. We looked so happy within each others arms, hugging tight. The light in Bella's face is one that I most definitely missed. I never see her that way anymore. Sometimes when I see her now I forgot that she was ever that happy and full of life before everything got fucked up.

What killed me is that I knew then that we never thought it would get worse than that. We never cherished those moments where everything was in its place. It made me want to travel back in time and shake little Edward saying: "Tell Esme how great of a mother she is. Tell Bella how much she means to you. Tell them how much you love them before its too late."

Unfortunately, things don't work that way.

I slammed the album shut. I couldn't take it anymore. My eyes were watery and I wiped away any tears that threatened to fall.

I made my way down the stairs when I heard Carlisle talking on the phone to someone.

"Yeah…oh…well, please bring her over here…yes…okay…no problem…thanks to you too for your trust…okay, goodbye."

"Who was that?" I asked, sensing the worry in Carlisle's face.

"It was Charlie, son. Sit."

I sat on the couch and my pulse raced. What happened to Bella? No! I can't make assumptions. It could have nothing to do with her.

"Bella passed out. He's bringing her over so I can look at her."

I let out an agitated sigh. "Is she okay? Why's it taking him so long!" I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn't help it. After all, there was so much more than to Bella just having another injury. Not after what I saw in biology.

Soon, Bella was being carried in the house by Charlie. She looked so frail in his arms, so weak. It killed me to see her that ways. Her knuckle was all bloody and she was clutching something. It looked like she couldn't let it go. I realized that it was my letter.

Fuck. Was I the cause of this?

**xoxo, B.**


	10. Broken

_The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head_

_I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead_

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_

_That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

_In the pain there is healing_

_In your name I find meaning_

_-Lifehouse, Broken_

Bella POV

"She should be awake in a bit…she just needed to cool off…no worries, Charlie just go to work. Get your mind off things," I heard Carlisle's voice from afar. Then I heard the door close after Charlie reluctantly huffed an "okay".

I opened my eyes to see Edward sitting across from me looking worried, concerned, sad, miserable, distressed, anxious and so many more words.

"Mmmmm….wh-what happened," I mumbled.

"You fainted, Bella," Edward told me in a caring tone.

"Where's Carlisle?"

"He's working out some things. He left me to take care of you."

"I don't need to be taken care of," I scowled.

His eyes shifted to my knuckles. "Obviously you do."

Then, I remembered. Shit. Had Carlisle seen the bruises? It wasn't on the same arm, but still, he could of.

"Did Carlisle see…"

"No, Bella. He didn't. I told him I'd clean you up. And I did. He saw nothing."

I didn't thank Edward or anything. I don't think he deserved it. So what? He took care of me. Damn right he should. After how much damage he's given to my heart.

"You're going to have to tell me sometime, Bella. I'm worried about you."

I jumped up. "You are worried about me? Edward, tell me why you feel you must try to make pointless awkward conversation and just because I may not hit you in the face doesn't mean I want to tell you my deepest darkest secrets! It doesn't mean I want anything to do with you! You hurt me. Bad."

His head was buried in his hands. "I know. Just sit down."

"No. I'm leaving."

"Bella, just stop being so stubborn for once. Please," his eyes were filled with tears.

I flinched at his face. Seeing him hurt still pained me a little, as much as I didn't want it to. I sat down and buried into my knees that were against my chest.

"Please tell me what happened Bella. I—I can't do this anymore."

I ignored him and sobbed into my knees even worse.

"No," is all I could manage.

It was silent for the longest time. Then, Carlisle came in.

"Is everything going okay? I see your awake, Bella. How're you feeling?"

And the silence came back as he waited for my answer.

"Can I just go home?"

Carlisle offered me a warm smile. "Sure, Bella. Get better. Take care of that hand."

I looked to find my hand wrapped up in bandaging. "You did this?" I said, looking at Edward.

He nodded. "Yes."

I gave a weak nod and walked out, leaving Edward looking the saddest I've seen him in a while.

**xoxo, B.**


	11. Hiding Behind A Smile

_We can make a dimpled smile out of a frown._

_-Manucurist in Wizard of Oz (1939)_

Bella POV

The rest of the weekend was uneventful. I heard nothing from Edward, or Carlisle for that matter, and Charlie left me alone.

It was probably the best weekend I'd had in a long time.

I decided that I'd get through this school day no matter what it threw at me. And I did.

Biology came and gone, and Edward hadn't said a word.

Thank fucking god.

I made my way into my Art class.

I didn't expect to see Edward in here or anything, so I was pretty calm walking in there. I didn't think anyone would bother me in that class.

But, I was wrong. Someone did bother me. Well, they didn't exactly bother me, they just talked to me. And that was always a bother to me.

"Hey, I'm new here. Are you new? You weren't here last week. I'm Alice Brandon, by the way," she offered me her hand.

I just gave her the biggest smile I could, which wasn't a very big smile at all.

"What's your name?" Damn, this girl was too damn chipper. Are people actually this happy on a daily basis? That doesn't even seem possible.

"Bella," I mumbled, ready to bury my head in my hoodie.

"Bella. That's such a pretty name! What's it short for? Or is it?"

"Isabella."

"Oh. My name is actually Mary Alice Brandon. But I prefer Alice. Kay?"

I snickered at her all of a sudden face, making sure that I did not call her Mary Alice.

"I know what your thinking—what decade are we in?"

I giggled again and uncomfortably shifted in my seat. I didn't like smiling or anything. And I felt myself letting my guard down in front of this girl.

The teacher assigned us our assignment. I expected her to go through the syllabus but then I remembered I wasn't here last week and that she probably had gone through that then.

"Don't worry, she may come off as a bitch. But she's pretty nice after a while," Alice assured me.

I felt like I was the new girl or something. Because she was telling me about a teacher when it should be vice versa.

Alice was luckily comfortable enough with me not talking. She didn't push me to talk to her. And she didn't seem offended when I barely said anything or barely acknowledged her.

I liked Alice. I really did.

We could have been friends. Once upon a time.

**xoxo, B.**


	12. Don't Give Up

_Don't give up_

_cause you have friends_

_don't give up_

_you're not beaten yet_

_don't give up_

_I know you can make it good_

_-Peter Gabriel, Don't Give Up_

Bella POV

The next day I came home. Charlie was in one of his violent moods. Just great.

"Bellllls, whaaat the fuck is going on?" he said, not really able to stand up straight.

"Dad, let me get you somewhere to sit."

He slashed me across the face.

"I don't neeeeed you."

What the fuck?

"Charlie. Stop." I was crying by now.

The doorbell rang.

"Fuuuck," Charlie said, kicking the leg of the table.

"I'll handle this, Charlie. Make yourself scarce. Please." My please came out like a desperate beg.

I answered the door. It was Mike Newton.

"Hey, Bellaaa. What's up?"

"Now's not the time, Mike," I snapped.

"I wanted to apologize for the other day. I came off too strong, didn't I?" Mike said, glancing over my shoulder. I could tell he wanted me to invite him. Even if Charlie wasn't in one of his moods I wouldn't have.

"Mike, you should go. Your apology is accepted."

I tried to push the door in his face. "Bella, are you okay?"

He actually sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, Mike. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Goodbye."

I slammed the door in his face. He'd surely harass me about this tomorrow, but I had other things to deal with at the moment.

"Whore," scowled Charlie.

"It-its not what you think," I stuttered.

"Bullshiiiit. You fuckin' Newton too, eh? I thought you were juuust fucking Cullen. Guess I was wrong."

My eyes rimmed with tears at the thought that he would even bring Edward up in that way.

"Fuck you," I said.

Oh. Fucking. Shit. Shit. Shit. What did I just do? What was I thinking?

"WHAT did you just say to me?" Charlie started walking towards me and my body trembled.

"Please don't hurt me, Charlie. This isn't you," I begged.

"Bells, I'd never hurt you," Charlie said, his voice softening.

"You al-already have." I found myself stumbling over my words once again.

"Hmph." And like that, the fire returned to his eyes.

But he made his way to the couch and watched the screen blankly. He was just as bad of a zombie as I was sometimes.

Ha. I was a zombie, and Edward was a robot. A robot for that fucking Jasper Hale and Tyler Crowley.

I ran up to my room and fell into a deep sleep, the only thing that makes me happy lately.

The rain was coming down especially hard today, and I felt it. I felt it in my veins, I felt it tug at my heart, I felt it clouding up my mind.

I sat in the cafeteria by myself yet again.

I looked across the cafeteria. Edward was sitting with his friends. The usual: Jasper, Tyler, Emmett, Jessica Stanley, Ben Cheney, and Lauren Mallory. Rosalie Hale, Jasper's modelesque, stunning sister was sitting with them. She associated with all of the boys, but not Lauren or Jessica. They always tried to become "bff" with her but she didn't really like them. She was also dating Edward's brother, Emmett.

I really miss Emmett…

Anyways I looked towards their table. I usually stare at their table. Its not out of envy or anything, its…I don't know. It just pains me. But in no way do I want to be over there.

Edward was smiling at everything his friends were saying. They were all laughing hysterically but he only offered a smile; a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

I looked over by Emmett. Next to him, I saw Rosalie Hale looking my way. She was staring right at me. Her lip was sort of pouted, she wore a frown. She looked totally bored with whatever was going on. And she gave me the most pitying look. Her face was filled with "that poor, poor lost girl." I just knew that's what she was thinking. Emmett nudged her and she snapped back into attention and giggled at something he did, lightly smacking him on the side of his head.

"Bella?"

I looked to the side. It was that Alice girl from my sixth hour.

"Mind if I sit here? I don't really know anyone…I'd just been sitting with some kid named Eric. He's a bore though," she said, giggling the last part.

I didn't really acknowledge her, and she took it upon herself to sit down next to me.

I kept staring ahead, at Edward's table. People I used to know, people I do not wish to know, people I never liked, and Rosalie. She was one of her own. I didn't used to know her, I didn't not wish to know her (she'd never done anything wrong) and I don't hate her or not like her or anything. But I guess I don't wish to know her. I don't wish to know anybody. I prefer to be alone. Which brings me back to this girl right next to me.

"You like one of those guys? I call dibs on the blonde!" Alice said, clapping her hands together, bouncing up and down.

"No," I mumbled.

"Who is the blonde, anyway?"

I cringed at her excitement towards the great "Jasper Hale".

"That's Jasper Hale," I scowled in a low voice.

"What? Is he bad news or something?"

I looked at her. Her face looked determined…and so innocent. I couldn't be mean to this girl no matter how much I tried.

"Well, no. I don't really know him."

"Oh…well, maybe after I get through with him, you will," she said with a wink.

I groaned.

This was going to be such a long week.

**xoxo, B.**


	13. Never Look Back

_Never look back unless you are planning to go that way._

_-Henry David Thoreau_

Bella POV

"Bella, hey," Mike said to me in biology. I turned to look at him.

"Hey," I said weakly.

"Um, can I talk to you…alone?" he asked me, glancing at Edward.

Edward wasn't paying any attention anyway.

I nodded slightly and got off of the stool that was provided as a seat to me in biology. We made our way into the back of the class, where all of the science equipment was stored.

Mike rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"What is it, Mike?" I said angrily.

"I uh…were you okay yesterday?"

"What? Yes. Why do you keep asking that?"

"Because…you didn't look okay. Call me stupid sometimes, but I'm not blind."

"Why is it any of your business?" I spat.

"I thought we were friends."

"Yeah, whatever," I scowled and started to walk away.

"Bella don't you walk away from me like that," Mike said in a pushy, agitating manner.

"Mike, stop."

"No."

I was about to open my mouth, because Mike had a pretty strong grip on my arm that wasn't bandaged. So it was the bruised arm…

"She said stop, Newton. Let her go."

I turned to see Edward staring daggers at Mike. I don't know how he got here without me able to hear him.

"Mind your own business, Cullen," sneered Mike.

"Why don't you take your own advice, asshole? She said leave her alone so leave her alone."

"Fuck off, Cullen. Why don't you go fuck Jessica Stanley or some shit? Leave Bella to me. You already had your chance to fuck her."

I could not believe what I was hearing. I stood frozen, I couldn't even move.

The next thing I knew Mike was on the ground and Edward was wailing punches on him. He was really messing up Mike.

I saw Lauren Mallory come in from the hallway. What a time for her to pass by.

"What the fuck, Bella? Why are you just standing there? You fucking freak," she scowled, trying to pull Mike and Edward apart.

I just ran into the hallway, against the lockers. I lost it there. I broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably.

I heard the door open. This big bulky goth kid was taking Mike to the principal's office but went the opposite way, to avoid me or Edward.

Mr. Banner was taking Edward to the principal office passing my way.

I looked up from my hysterical crying fit and looked at him.

He looked at me, eyes filled with anger. But when he saw me his face weakened.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered as he past me.

I couldn't stop staring at him until he and Mr. Banner passed the corner.

I didn't know what to do. I felt like dying right there. Fuck Mike Newton. Fuck them all.

The next day Edward wasn't there and neither was Mike. They were both suspended for the rest of the week, which only counted as two days.

I sat with Alice at lunch, she talked my ear off but that was okay. As long as she didn't try to get too personal with me. I could use a little human contact after all this time of no Edward Cullen and an alcoholic father plus that loser prick Mike Newton.

I glanced at Edward's table, even though he wasn't there. I couldn't help but notice Rosalie. Today she wasn't exactly staring at me or anything, but when she glanced at me and saw me looking at her, her shoulders slumped and she looked down at her fingers.

I don't know what that's about. She always is sending me sympathetic glares.

Alice asked me if I was doing anything this weekend and if I wanted to hang out.

I said I had a lot of studying to catch up on.

She looked disappointed but I didn't really want a friend. I kind of wanted to tell her to back off but I couldn't work up the courage to do that. Her face would probably be so hurt that I don't really know if I could stand myself to the only girl who has talked to me. She probably heard a lot of bad rumors and gossip about me too from the other students. But she chose to ignore it. I had to give her that.

Biology and Art passed by quickly. The whole day people were paying extra negative attention towards me. Everyone was snickering and whispering to each other. Still though: new day, same shit.

I just walked, looking at the ground ignoring all of the stares. I accidentally bumped into someone and my books fell. I didn't even look to see who it was I just scrambled to get my books on the floor.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the voice apologized and I saw a figure slouch next to me.

I looked at the manicured nails handing me my books and looked forward. It was Rosalie Hale.

"Um…its okay. I mean, I'm really sorry. It was all of my fault," I said, shyly, still uber reserved.

"Oh, don't worry about it, sweetie. I don't think you should be carrying all those books with that bandaged arm," she said, taking my books from me. I looked at her in awe.

"I can get Emmett to escort you to each class, he won't mind," she giggled, as if we were old friends. But when she smiled, I could still see that sad pity in her face.

"Um, no I'm fine. This is my class," I said, taking my books from her. I walked away quickly. I didn't want to look back. She probably looked so sad. She'd been really nice to her and I gave her the cold shoulder like I do everyone.

But my motto is to never look back, just look forward. That's the only thing that can really get me to tomorrow without losing my sanity.

**xoxo, B.**


	14. Purple Rain

_I never meant to cause you any sorrow_

_I never meant to cause you any pain_

_I only wanted one time to see you laughing_

_I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain_

_-Prince, Purple Rain_

Bella POV

Charlie wasn't here. I was happy to see that.

I did my homework. The place was silent. I felt calm, and relieved. It was these little moments that told me that everything was going to be okay.

I went to sleep that night before Charlie would arrive.

But I should probably tell you what happened in between the time that I got home from school and went to bed.

Well nothing of importance. Except for one thing.

I decided to go to my window tonight, because the rain was coming down at such a beautiful, moderate level. Not pouring down, but not sprinkling either.

And then there he was. Edward. He looked so sad, but his then his eyes found mine. He looked like a deer in headlights, well not totally—just a little. He stay froze because he didn't know what I would do. And I totally didn't know either. And what I did totally took me by surprise.

I touched my fingertips to the window and a couple tears fell down my face. I completely showed him from a distance how vulnerable I was. It was as if I was handing my vulnerability to him on a platter. I was hoping he wouldn't come over and want to talk, I really wasn't ready for that.

But he rested his forehead against the glass.

We stayed there staring at each other the whole time.

And then, we both fell asleep at our windows. Just like we used to.

**xoxo, B.**


	15. What Hurts the Most

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok_

_But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do_

_-Rascal Flatts, What Hurts the Most_

Edward POV

I love Isabella Swan. It fucking hurts me to see her hurt. And somehow, I am going to show her that. That is what I have decided. No more fucking up, no more being angry with her, no more waiting around for something to happen.

But, I am going to give her time. I know that's what she wants. By no means does that mean I am going to give up. I'll never give up on that girl unless she makes it clear that without me in her life, she'll be happy. When it all comes down to it, I just want to see her happy. Even if it means she would be in love with some other guy out there and he treats her like the beautiful woman she deserves to be treated like. But she's not happy. And as long as she's not, I'm not going anywhere.

I fucking snapped the other day when Mike Newton said that about her. He said it right in front of her. He fucking brought up Jessica Stanley. I know that he didn't know that incident with Bella at my window catching Jessica and I groping each other, but he did know that by saying that he would most likely hurt Bella. He said in front of her that he wanted to fuck her and that I already have had my chance to fuck her. I wanted to assure Bella that our friendship was never ever because I wanted any physical contact with her. Not that I wouldn't mind, I mean, look at her…who wouldn't?

Still, I fucking punched the shit out of Newton. She sat there frozen. I knew that she didn't know what to do. I didn't expect her to do anything. I know Bella, and no matter who she is, things take a second to process. But that does not mean she's stupid. She's not. At all.

As if on cue to make things ten times worse, Lauren Mallory dashed into the classroom calling Bella a freak and shit. If I wasn't too busy beating the shit out of Newton then I would have told that pug faced bitch off.

Bella ran out of the classroom and Mr. Banner finally came to break up the fight. What the fuck was he doing all this time? Not that I minded having extra time to rearrange Newton's face.

What fucking broke my heart to pieces is when I walked out to find Bella slouched against the lockers balling her eyes out. I would have taken her in my arms then, I swear to fucking God I would have. But Mr. Banner had a hold of me. All I could do is whisper that I was sorry. I owed her so much more; she deserved so much more.

I thought that she'd never forgive me for that incident. For everything. Hell, even for that day alone I thought she wouldn't forgive me.

But she totally fucking surprised me that night when I was at my window. I was almost one hundred percent positive that she wouldn't show at her window, although I was hoping she would be. And she did show. She was actually there.

Even better, she fucking touched the glass as if reaching out for me. I wanted to go over there and kiss her senseless but I couldn't. I know that this was a huge step up and that she'd need time. So I just sighed and rested my head against the window, staring at her beautiful face. That's how I fell asleep that night. Staring at those mesmerizing eyes from afar. And it was the best fucking sleep I've gotten in a long time.

**xoxo, B.**


	16. You're Not Alone

_You're not alone_

_There's more to this I know_

_You can make it out_

_You will live to tell_

_-Saosin, You're Not Alone_

Bella POV

The next school day went by in a blur. I didn't really know where Edward and I stood right now, and it was such a relief that he was suspended. Not that I wouldn't put it past him to sneak in my window today or something.

And of course it was even more of a relief that Mike Newton was out of the picture…for the time being. But at least he probably won't mess with me anymore. At least not with Edward around. Because they'll both arrive back at the same time. Although, I'm surprised our prick of a principal didn't suspend Edward longer, because he was clearly worse. Well, worse in the causing trouble aspect. Mike most definitely looked worse.

Alice kind of talked to me a little, only innocent things like how she's going shopping this weekend in Port Angeles. I just nodded whenever was necessary. I really should let her down easily. I mean, the longer I wait to just out and say that I don't want to be her friend, the more she will be hurt. And she's the new girl. I definitely know how it is to not know anyone in this school, what with being the outcast and everything.

I thought about introducing her to Angela Weber, one of my old acquaintances. They'd surely get along, and I know that if Alice would become distracted by Angela then she'd leave me alone. Angela probably could use another friend too. She wasn't really part of the popular crowd, and she'd lost me as a friend when I became a total loner.

Today at school Emmett smiled at me again. Nothing new. I just brushed right past him. As much as it hurt to, I am not here to make any friends. I'm not here to please anyone or make them happy.

I arrived home only to find Charlie ranting and raving to why Mike Newton and Edward Cullen had gotten into a fight. He said one of the deputies informed him of this and he was sure that my skanky little ass had something to do with it.

Funny, because I don't ever remember even losing my virginity, but apparently I've already had sex with two boys.

That didn't really hurt me. But what really dug deep into my feelings was the last thing he said to me. He looked me dead in the face and said: "You're just like your whore mother."

I lost all sanity there. I ran out of the house. I didn't care if he followed me and beat my ass in public. People would see. They already think I'm a freak, so why not?

Maybe he would get thrown in jail. Right. They would arrest the chief of the police, their "hero" Charlie Swan. Some fucking hero.

I cried so hard while walking. I don't even know where I was walking. I passed everywhere and ended up on the main road.

It wasn't raining, but still, the sun wasn't out. Well, no rain, that's something new.

Although lately I've fallen in love with the rain. It never fails to disappoint.

I almost fell to my knees and curled up into a ball in the middle of the sidewalk. But I composed myself…barely.

I could barely breathe. I know I shouldn't blame Charlie personally, but he compared me to my mother. The one who totally left us and fails to even give her daughter an explanation. Lives her life as if I was nothing but a mistake, a chapter in her past that she's ashamed to ever have had, as if I was nothing of importance to her.

That right there was enough to kill me. But to be compared to her?

"Bella?"

I turned to see a pretty sports car next to me. The window was rolled down. I looked inside, where it was Rosalie Hale that sat.

She was driving past my walking, but then she stopped the car and rushed to my side.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay?"

"Fuck! Why is everyone asking me if I'm okay? Do I look okay?" I sobbed.

To my surprise, she remained completely calm.

"Come to my car. There's something you should know."

I was completely confused. But we were in her car within moments, windows rolled up.

She looked far more distraught than me. I had no idea that was even possible, but it was. Rosalie proved that point.

"I understand," she said quietly.

How could the ever so perfect, gorgeous Rosalie Hale understand everything that I am going through? She couldn't even fathom what I was going through one bit.

"How would you understand? You don't even know me," I mumbled, tears streaming down my face.

She fiddled with her fingers. "No, Bella. I do. I know…I know what you're going through."

I sighed. I wasn't going to argue with this any further. I opened the car door and started to get out, but she lightly grasped my forearm.

"Don't leave. Please let me explain this," she said on the verge of tears.

I slammed the car door shut and waited for her to begin to give a failed attempt at relating.

It was silent for a second, but then she spoke.

"When I was six years old, my parents used to send me on weekend trips to my Uncle Collin's. Jasper went to day care. I didn't get along with little girls. I never wanted to share and I used to take their cookies and things like that. I'd even pull some little girls' pigtails if I didn't get my way. I've come a long way from that," she let out a breathy, forced laugh. "At first, I loved going over to spend time with Uncle Collin. Maybe a little too much fun. My mom used to get so mad because he'd give me so much sugar over the weekend and bring me home for her to deal with the hyper aftermath. It started off slow, just little affectionate kisses along my jaw line sometimes. He would hold my hand all of the time. Sometimes feel up my shirt while we watched cartoons. I didn't really make much of it, because I was young and naïve. I mean, I was six, how was I to know any better? Well then, things started getting more…rough, more aggressive. He'd force me onto the couch into a huge fit of tickles, and it was fun at first, but then he wouldn't stop. I'd beg him to, because he was really starting to hurt my rib cages. He'd finally stop the tickling and start feeling me up."

I was surprised at how calm she'd remained through all of this. Her eyes were glossy with tears, but they never came down. It's like she had some supernatural power to keep them in her eyes.

"Little by little, he'd throw something new in there. When I'd noticed that what he was doing wasn't normal, it wasn't right, I'd asked him like any other naïve little girl would. I didn't know that if I simply asked him what was going on that he would…"

She paused and a tear fell, and she immediately brushed it away.

"He told me that if I told anyone, he would kill my mom and dad. I believed him, of course. So I just listened to him and let him do whatever he wanted to me. My parents would occasionally find a bruise here and there and question me about it. I'd tell them that I fell or something. They didn't think anything of it. I was just a little kid; a hyper one at that."

She stopped and she almost started crying but she exhaled deeply.

"What happened then?"

"One day…I came over and he started to feel me up again. Well he exposed all of himself to me, and almost forced all of my clothes off. I let out loud screams. I was…I was so scared, Bella…I didn't know what to do. He held my mouth shut, and soon I couldn't breathe…so I fainted, and passed out. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. My mother was there, crying hysterically. She blamed herself, she still does. But it wasn't her fault. I fucking blamed myself, can you believe that? I thought I had done that shit to myself. I thought I had deserved all of that. I asked what happened, and no one would tell me. All I knew is that my Uncle was locked up. To this day, I don't know what happened. They just assured me that I was safe. I don't even know how I was saved, how I was torn from my Uncle's clutches…but its not like anything has changed…things got worse for a while…I started having these horrible, frightening nightmares. Then I met Emmett. Every time I was sad I'd sneak over to his house and he would hold me until I fell asleep. At the time he just looked at me as a little sister. But Bella, I was just so completely in love with him. One day I'd gotten the courage to kiss him, but he froze up, and told me that he didn't feel the same way. He loved me, but not in that way. I told him it was only a fucking year apart that we were. But still…he still didn't look at me as…grown up, I guess you could say. I used to even hang out with Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley. Ugh, the horror of being friends with them. I'd make fun of some losers here and there, but mostly just keep to myself and let them do all of the dirty work. But after a long summer, the summer of sophomore year, I'd done some major soul searching and realized that those girls were only bringing me down. So, I started to stick around my brother more…I'd hang around with him. One day, they all were…they all were going to…"

She stiffened a little.

"Tell me, Rosalie," I said, softly, surprising her and even myself.

"They were planning on embarrassing you. They were going to walk over to you and tell you that you needed a hair cut and that…that no wonder why your mom left you, you are worthless," she nearly whispered the last part. I almost cried hysterically, but I wanted to wait for her to finish.

"Well, I told them off completely. I still sat with them because Jasper's table was filled with boys. Plus, he sat with Emmett…and things were still awkward in that department. Well, anyway, I told them that they are immature bitches that are the most worthless pieces of trash I'd ever met and that they could screw themselves. I'd never stuck up for myself or anyone like that before. I also told them if I hear anything about them embarrassing you again then I was going to tell you about it. I was going to warn you also, but they backed off. I stormed out of the cafeteria. Jasper and Emmett's table were behind us, so they saw everything. Well, they didn't know who it was about, because I'm sure both Edward and Emmett would have snapped on them too. I heard someone say 'no I'll go' and I thought it was Jasper. But I was wrong. Emmett found me in the hallway. I wasn't even crying like I used to. I was just pissed off. He told me it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and I'm not the girl he thought I was…I was a woman. And then we kissed. We've been together ever since," she finished.

I didn't even know how to respond to that story.

"I…I should have told you…I should have talked to you sooner."

"Wait—how do you know…"

She obviously knows that I'm being abused.

"This is the worst part…a couple months ago I was passing by and I thought I'd stop by and say hi. Just a weird impulse. I wanted to have a female friend, ya know? Hanging out with all boys gets tiring. I thought maybe I'd let you know that if you ever wanted to hang out, you could call me. And then I'd give you my number. I always thought you hated me, so that's why I never approached you before. But finally, I just said, fuck it…"

I waited a moment for her to go on.

"I saw him hit you, Bella. I wanted to do something…anything. But it hurt too much. Memories flooded my brain. And the nightmares came back that night…I wanted to help, Bella…I swear to fucking god I wanted to…"

She was sobbing uncontrollably, and broke down. She gripped the staring wheel as she bowed her head, barely breathing with her crying.

I cried too. "No, Rosalie. Don't blame yourself. It would have been hard for anyone to witness that…especially someone who's been through that kind of thing before…"

"Bella, please say that you'll forgive me?"

I nodded yes and stopped my crying.

"And please say that you'll come to me if anything goes wrong…I won't tell because I understand you care about him. But…I want you to know I'm here…you're not alone. Please remember that. I know how it feels to be all alone in that kind of situation…so please trust me," she said, still crying non-stop.

"O-okay…but it might take me a while to…open up," I said in between sobs.

"I understand, Bella. As long as you'll give it a try," she said calmly. She sniffled and stopped her crying at once.

I stopped crying too.

"You know…Emmett really misses you. He talks about you sometimes. I tell him that its not personal that you don't talk to him anymore, even though he says he doesn't understand and that he didn't do anything."

"Does…does he know…"

"Oh, no, Bella. I haven't told anyone. And I won't. But I just want to make sure that you are safe. If you are being put in danger, please call me."

I nodded. "I think I will."

She smiled softly.

We sat in the car talking the rest of the night before she dropped me back off to my house to a sleeping Charlie.

And for the first time in a long time, I had hope.

**xoxo, B.**


	17. Remains the Same

_I never thought that I_

_Had anymore to give_

_You're pushing me so far_

_Here I am without you_

_Drink to all that we have lost_

_Mistakes we have made_

_Everything will change_

_But love remains the same_

_-Gavin Rossdale, Love Remains the Same_

Bella POV

That weekend went by faster than I expected—and I was glad for that. Charlie hadn't spoken to me since our falling out on Friday; personally, I was at ease with this.

I wasn't so nervous walking into school the next day. It was weird, because I'd never thought that in my high school lifetime that I would associate with someone like Rosalie Hale, but I did.

The day at lunch I heard her call my name. I looked at her, hoping that she'd be content with a half smile so I could return to my bubble all by myself but she didn't. She waved me over. And it was hard not to go over there. Especially because she is the only one who knows what actually happens at home—not only that, but she can relate.

"Bella, would you like to sit with me today?" she asked. I was about to say no thank you, but she looked genuinely concerned. I nodded. I knew that she would tiptoe around me, but not like everyone else did, her reason was different…because she's been there before.

I nodded sadly and she touched my arm. "How was your weekend? Everything went well, I hope?" Rosalie said, barely even whispering. I could hear her though.

"Um, well I have no new bruises or anything…so I guess that's a start."

She nodded her head at this, sensing my discomfort.

Too soon, more people arrived at the table.

First, it was Emmett who put his tray down and gave Rosalie a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Bella," he said, as if it were no big deal that I was there. I'm sure Rosalie told him that she'd be inviting me over to sit today, of course without disclosing any details. Not that he'd ask, she really does have him whipped. An admirable, adorable whipped though.

"Hi," I said quietly, not looking up.

I saw Rosalie give Emmett a warning glance out of the corner of my eye.

Then, Jasper and Tyler came and sat down, not really knowing what to do or say. I also saw Lauren and Jessica follow and sit also, but I didn't really want to say anything to them. I didn't care to.

But then…Edward sat down. He froze once he realized that I was there. Actually, the whole table was silent. There was an overwhelming awkward silence. I just sat and Rosalie grabbed my hand in a reassuring squeeze.

It was Emmett who broke the silence. "This macaroni tastes like rubber," he said, making a scrunched up face.

"It's your fault you insist to try the specials everyday, ya fool," Rosalie teased, hitting him on the back of the head.

"Ow! Rose," he whined.

I giggled and everyone looked at me with widened eyes. I immediately took the smile off of my face and looked back down, hiding myself from everyone's stares.

It was just so awkward again. I didn't know how much more I could handle.

I felt Edward shift to sit in the seat right next to me, which everyone had left empty. "Hi, Bella. How are you?"

I met his gaze. No one was expecting for what was next. "Good. And you?"

Of course it wasn't as pleasant as it sounded in my head, and it was a lot quieter than I wanted it to be—but it worked…for now.

"Could be better. But can't complain," Edward said in a shrug.

I felt the tension at the table suddenly ease.

"Bella Swan is it? I'm Jessica." She offered me her hand with a cheerful smile while Lauren lowered her eyes at me, staring daggers.

I shook her hand and found myself in my bubble again almost immediately after.

"Mike Newton looks like he's bout to kick your ass this time. But don't worry, you have Rosalie and Bella here to protect you now, Eddie," teased Tyler, glancing at me while giving me an "aren't-you-going-to-laugh-at-my-joke" look. I honestly didn't really know what to do. I found myself giving Tyler a cold stare.

"I gotta say, though, Bella. Kudos to you. You really know how to tell Newton off…everyone was talking about it."

I didn't really know if this was him trying to be friendly, or him trying to add onto the tension. Whatever it was, I found myself wincing and looking away.

Then, a hand grabbed mine and led me out into the hallway.

I looked up. It was Edward.

"I…I'm sorry. He made you uncomfortable didn't he?"

I nodded my head and looked at the ground.

His fingers moved from my hand to my chin, to lift it up to meet his gaze.

"Bella, I need to talk to you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

"Since when? Since I moved up a cup size? Or do you think my hair is better when its cut choppy like this? Or do you think you can size up all of your friends and score? Because it's not happening."

I cannot believe that just came out of my mouth. Edward looked profoundly hurt.

"So that's what you think of me now. You know me, Bella," he said in an angry yet flat tone.

"Not anymore," I mumbled with venom.

"If you must know, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Ever. You wouldn't fucking realize that because—"

"Because what, Edward? Because you totally shut me out of your life and now expect me to be all cordial to you? You think we can skip along holding hands like Hanzel and Gretzel to a fucking candy house and pretend like these last three years never happened?"

"No, Isabella. That's not what I think. I care about you. But now you've turned…you've turned into a complete bitch."

Then, he walked right past me, bumping me like I had bumped Mike Newton that day in biology.

And, just like that, I left, unable to go on with the school day. Once again. Just like before.

**xoxo, B.**


	18. Close Encounters

Edward POV

To say I was surprised to see Bella sitting at our table is an understatement.

And the fact that she was sitting with none other than Rosalie was even more bewildering.

Rosalie wasn't nice to anyone with the exception of Emmett and Jasper. Not that she doesn't get bitchy with them too, but they also have the "privilege" to see her good side.

More than anything, Rosalie never talked to girls. She was the most cold, uptight bitch I knew and she was that way towards everyone—especially Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley.

Not sticking up for Lauren, though. I hate that bitch. Jessica, on the other hand, didn't really enjoy the cold treatment from Rosalie. Sure, she's extremely annoying, but she's always been a pretty nice person to everyone.

And Bella never talked to anyone either. Even though I'd seen her with some short chick a couple times this year.

Rosalie and Bella were talking like they'd known each other forever. Whenever Bella would feel uncomfortable, it was Rosalie who would comfort her and give her a reassuring smile. It was so confusing.

What even got me even more is when Bella laughed at Emmett and Rosalie's irritating couple arguing nonsense that they did every fucking day.

I don't even know why Rosalie hates me so much. I never have done anything to her. But ever since I'd gotten even closer to her brother, she's despised me. I remember one time me and Jasper had been discussing the whole Bella situation—I often would sit in Jasper's room moping about Bella—I'd heard a gasp by the door and a scowl. I looked out and Rosalie was there. She looked furious. Ever since then, she never really talked to me unless she had to.

Emmett tried to loosen her up and become more friendly towards me, but she never did.

I was happy to see that Emmett made one of his usual cafeteria food complaints to ease the tension. I even could see everyone relaxing immediately. Even Jessica introduced herself; she most likely wants another girl to talk to than that conniving bitch Lauren.

But I almost fucking snapped Tyler's head right off of him when he started talking about Mike Newton. He just had to bring all that shit up when Bella was right there. Worst part, he was absolutely clueless. He thought that by telling Bella that she can tell a guy off that she'd take that as a compliment. Being the dipshit he is, he thinks that girls like hearing that. Sure, guys love to hear that kind of shit, it boosts their ego. But it does nothing for girls, especially ones like Bella.

I could tell she was tense so I interlaced her fingers with mine and pulled her from the table. She didn't even realize what was going on until we reached the hallway.

"I…I'm sorry. He made you uncomfortable didn't he?" I told her, not really knowing what to say to her.

She just kept looking down at the ground and shook her head slowly. She looked so sad…it killed me.

I tilted her chin upwards and told her exactly what's on my mind.

"Bella, I need to talk to you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

She barely even let me finish before she started going off. Let me tell you, it was not a good sight…this was not the Bella I knew. The Bella I used to know never acted this way.

"Since when? Since I moved up a cup size? Or do you think my hair is better when its cut choppy like this? Or do you think you can size up all of your friends and score? Because it's not happening."

That right there pissed me off. I cannot believe she thinks I'm just trying to get in her pants. She knows me. I care about her. We used to be best friends but she's seemed to have forgotten that little fact.

"So that's what you think of me now. You know me, Bella."

I found myself sounding angrier than I intended.

"Not anymore," she said under her breath.

This time I barely let her finish. I had to get everything I'd been feeling out of my system. This might be the only chance I have.

"If you must know, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Ever. You wouldn't fucking realize that because—"

"Because what, Edward? Because you totally shut me out of your life and now expect me to be all cordial to you? You think we can skip along holding hands like Hanzel and Gretzel to a fucking candy house and pretend like these last three years never happened?"

Who the hell does she think she's talking to? When she talks like this, it makes it hard believe that she ever even did care about me. Seeing me hurt obviously has no effect on her.

"No, Isabella. That's not what I think. I care about you. But now you've turned…you've turned into a complete bitch."

I even used her full name. I used to do that when we would get mad at each other because of little things back when we were close.

I left her standing in the hallway. I know I was being an ass, but don't I have a reason to be hurt too? It takes two to end a friendship.

I reentered the cafeteria and Rosalie was staring at me with widened, worried eyes.

"Where's Bella?" she asked in a concerned tone.

"Why the fuck do you care?" I scowled.

Then, Rosalie's fist pounded on the table. Her face was beet red and her teeth were clenched. I have never seen her this way. She always seemed unintimidated and uninterested about everything. She was always calm when she would say snide remarks and give bitchy glares. She never lost her cool.

The whole table was looking at us by now, along with most of the lunchroom.

Emmett went to comfort her, but she brushed his hand off of her and stormed out of the cafeteria with all eyes on her.

Emmett looked at me and did he look pissed.

"Look asswipe, you better watch how you talk to my girlfriend." Emmett said with blazing eyes. "Fuck face," he mumbled as he passed me to retrieve his bitch of a girlfriend.

Later at dinner, Carlisle couldn't understand why neither me or Emmett would speak. We barely ate and then disappeared into our rooms.

I tried to listen to my ipod but I couldn't concentrate on anything.

I don't know why I did it, but I looked out of my window over to Bella's.

And that's when I saw it: Charlie colliding his hand to Bella's face, sending her to the ground.

I felt my heart stop at the sight.

**xoxo, B.**


	19. Bad Day

Bella POV

After Edward had snapped at me, I lost all desire to even be at school anymore. Still, I did not cry. I did not move. A single thought barely even could process inside my head. This is just how I dealt with problems. It was sort of a mechanism of mine to push away any thoughts, and become an emotionless zombie.

Charlie was still at work, and by the time he came home, he'd assume I'd gotten home from school just minutes before him. The worst thing that could happen right now is that Charlie receive a phone call from the school again. After the day I had, I wished that the remainder go peacefully.

But my life wasn't peaceful. It wasn't peaceful at all.

Around 4:30, Charlie stumbled in the house, and I could hear his boots squeaking against the wooden floors.

"Bella!" he yelped.

I couldn't take any more at the moment. So I tiptoed to my closet, and hid in it, in the hopes that he'd think I was not yet home and would pass out on the couch while awaiting my arrival.

I heard his stomping all the way up the stairs, and I held my breath in. For a moment I felt like a criminal on the run from the police. Where in fact my dad was the chief of police. But I was not a criminal. Or was I? I can never tell what I am anymore.

Luck had finally come my way for a second, as he gave up and went back downstairs after finding my room empty. I sighed in contentment, knowing he would not come back up, and would likely fall asleep on the couch after downing some whiskey.

For a couple hours I relaxed on my bed, staring at the paint of my ceiling. My room was colored in blue, which was always my favorite color. When we were younger, Edward told me that was his favorite color on me.

And this is where my thoughts trace back to Edward, and everything we used to be.

I have no intentions on rekindling a friendship with him. I've gone this long without him. I don't need him anymore. I love who he used to be, not who he is now. So really, I'm not missing out. The Edward I knew and loved left Forks long ago.

After a while, I grew tired of staring at the ceiling. I could hear Charlie's faint snore, and so I decided I'd get everything over with already. I gathered my clothes and backpack, went downstairs quietly, taking myself to the door. It definitely looked like I'd just came home, and luckily it wasn't raining outside, so the fact that I was dry would not spark any suspicion. Even drunk and emotionally unstable, Charlie was perceptive. He's a police officer, it's a part of his everyday life. Even though there's not much to be perceptive of in Forks. It was a quiet town with not much crime besides the occasional car accident.

I shut the door in a motion that I knew would wake Charlie from his deep slumber.

"Urgh," he mumbled. And my heart immediately grew worrisome. I knew what I had coming.

"Hey, I'm home from school," I said casually, hoping to ease some tension.

"At 7 o'clock? I knoooooow you skipped school but what have you been doing since 3?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"You don't know? You've been out all night and skipping school and you don't know what you've been doing?" Charlie spoke, beginning to raise his voice.

"I've been studying at the library," I stated innocently.

"Buuullshit. If I know you, you're a whore like your mother. Whooooo have you been fucking now?" Charlie slurred.

"No one, Dad! Even if I was, it'd be none of your business." I was kind of shocked at what I said. Years ago, I could have said that to the old Charlie and he would have shot something sarcastic back at me. But he was not playful. Not at all anymore.

"Yoooou…" he started, eyes filled with anger. "You!"

I didn't know what he was heading toward, but I decided to just take it upon myself to walk upstairs. Trying to avoid any conflict. But drunk Charlie was not to be beckoned with.

I ran upstairs as fast as I could, and shut the door, hoping he wouldn't come after me. But I heard his stomp and all too quickly he was in my room, lunging toward my face.

"You follow the rules in this town. Don't make me look bad! Your mother already did that." That was the most coherent sentence he'd spoken today. I said nothing, so he continued. "I oughta beat your ass for what you do to me."

My stomach was turning into knots inside. I thought I was used to this kind of abuse but it still kind of hurts every time. And I think what hurts the worst is the verbal abuse. To have those kind of words be spoken about me by someone I used to look up to and care for so much, really hurts.

"Do it," I said.

Oh god. No, no, no. What did I just say? Why did I just say that? I suppose my day had just rattled my brain so much that I didn't care what happened next.

And what happened next was Charlie's hand colliding across my face. I fell to the ground almost immediately and the last thing Charlie said was, "bitch".

My heart felt heavy but I still didn't cry. I gathered all the strength that my body had and pulled myself up. Everything was over with now. Nothing else could happen today. I could go to sleep and then tomorrow is a new day.

But today was not over with… Because when I turned my back around facing toward my window, I saw Edward standing directly across, behind his window, face ridden with shock at the scene he'd just witnessed.

**A/N: Review and tell me what you think! I hope you like this story so far!  
**

**xoxo, B.  
**


End file.
